a blog by John P. Schuster
We all see messes and problems in the world that we don’t like and want to go away. Companies losing money, teachers on strike, government shutdowns that seem unnecessary. We gain and seek information on the messes and their cause, we form our opinions, we start to voice those opinions in small or in big ways, depending on our motivations But when it comes to messes, all kinds, there is one step to take before[…]
Read more
One of the oft-cited advantages of being in later life is an abundance of friends and relationships, forming themselves into satisfying constellations, that add so much to the quality of life. The opposite, isolation, is a scourge of aging for some who are shut in or endure tough circumstances, so the very relationship riches for some are a stark contrast to the relational poverty of others. In my life, I am blessed with constellations of[…]
Read more
The negative aging imagination is at play in the culture. When we develop “reflexive dread” of aging, a phrase from Ashton Applewhite, we dread and revile the thought of getting older in any way. This dread is a reaction to an aging meta messages our culture indulges in aplenty—“whatever you do, don’t start aging!! It’s all downhill.” As if we had a choice, in spite of what the ads say. Granted we don’t want to[…]
Read more
On Purpose and By Accident, We Change Our lives are tempered by our age. A baby does baby things. Kids think and act like kids. Mid-lifers have careers, raise kids or not, and do what they do. Those later on in life, like me, get to do the same. Or do we? How is your life tempered by age? Maybe you are not letting that happen and working at not letting your life be changed[…]
Read more
Making space for the Good People Think of a person you know who “never got over” a bad event. Conversely think of those who somehow powered or muddled through big difficulties and declare they are the better for it. Why do bad things dent or even crush some and not others? This is the complex question that drives the large body of research on resilience we can now tap. George Vaillant, MD, has something to[…]
Read more
Aging is an activity you do, not something that happens to you. ~Thomas Moore The wisdom that comes with our later years does not just show up. It was forged, if we paid attention to our experiences, in our contact with life, especially when we had staying power as things were going wrong, against our wills and goals, in the messes of our lives. We learned to survive the hard times. We reflected on the lessons[…]
Read more
The setting: I am in the Manhattan office of a colleague I much admire for his leadership and stellar career, and we are having a rich conversation on aging, aging men in particular. He tells me a story of his friend who lost his wife of many years, and then suffered deeply and for an extended time the loss of his life partner. In a candid moment with my colleague this widower in pain gives[…]
Read more
The body will become restless until the soul paints all its beauty on the sky ~Rumi Do not go gentle… Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas You don’t have to take Dylan Thomas’s advice exactly, and on your 70th b-day rage against the night. But you have my permission to stay restless, even in the most positive of aging journeys. Tranquility, perhaps the number-one goal of many a mindful[…]
Read more